More Time

“Time is the indefinite continued progress of existence and events that occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future.”  From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Time is an ever changing little trickster. Time can be seen flying past us or dragging slowly in front of us but either way we all know that time waits for no one. I think of this simple fact as I continue to write the story of my life. When I first got back in contact with my mother she would often get angry with my responses to her messages. “What do you want from me?” she would ask. I wasn’t sure what I really wanted at first. I wanted answers to so many questions. She would get angry and tell me that she never abandoned us girls and if I couldn’t move on then she didn’t want to talk to me. I don’t tell you this because I want you to be angry with her I am just stating the facts of our conversation. I can see a lot of things from her point of view because I am a lot like her. I know the guilt and suffering from giving up a child. I understand the total lack of control when it comes to drinking and anger. I understand the need to put up walls and push everyone away. I have lived through all of these things just as she has. There is nothing that can be done to change the past which is why I chose to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting because I will never forget where I came from and how I got here. So here I am writing my life story and I remember her final answer to my question “Why?”  I know it wasn’t easy for her to admit it to me but she did. She told me that she didn’t really know why everything happened the way that it did. I think she knew I wasn’t really buying that answer so she finally said ” I ran out of time, I thought I had more time to do the things they wanted me to do.”

(My question was why didn’t she ever come back to get us after she got out of jail. Her answer was she ran out of time.) 

The message I want to leave with everyone is – Don’t let time pass you by without doing the important things in life.  Live, Love and Laugh with the special people in your life because you never know when you might run out of time. 

Kelly Blake 2017

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